ADHD and Infidelity: A Complicated, Often Misunderstood Connection

Infidelity can shatter trust in any romantic relationship — and when one or both partners have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), the risk of emotional disconnect or impulsive behavior may increase. This doesn’t mean that people with ADHD are destined to cheat — far from it — but there are patterns that can lead to emotional or sexual affairs when the underlying ADHD symptoms go unaddressed.

Understanding these patterns is key to preventing hurt, rebuilding trust, and healing together.

How ADHD Can Contribute to Infidelity

While ADHD doesn’t cause cheating, certain ADHD-related traits can create relationship stressors that make infidelity more likely — especially when communication and support are lacking.

1. Impulsivity and Risk-Taking

One hallmark symptom of ADHD is impulsivity — acting before thinking. In emotionally charged situations or moments of opportunity, someone with ADHD may engage in behavior they later regret, including infidelity.

2. Low Self-Esteem and Validation Seeking

ADHD often comes with years of internalized shame or feelings of failure. In romantic relationships, this can lead to a craving for external validation. A flirtation or emotional connection outside the relationship may feel like a relief from chronic feelings of inadequacy.

3. Difficulty Maintaining Emotional Intimacy

ADHD can interfere with follow-through, presence, and emotional regulation. This may cause the ADHD partner to seem inattentive, emotionally distant, or inconsistent — which can lead both partners to feel disconnected or neglected.

4. Hyperfocus — on the Wrong Connection

While many associate ADHD with distractibility, it can also involve hyperfocus — intense attention on something new and stimulating. In some cases, that might become an emotional or sexual connection outside the primary relationship.

How Couples Therapy Can Help After ADHD-Related Infidelity

If ADHD-related challenges contributed to infidelity in your relationship, you are not beyond repair. Many couples recover and come out stronger — but they rarely do it alone.

Couples therapy provides a safe, structured space to unpack what happened, rebuild trust, and create new patterns.

Therapy can help couples:

• Identify how ADHD symptoms contributed to emotional or physical disconnection
• Improve communication skills and emotional awareness
• Rebuild safety and trust through accountability and transparency
• Learn how to manage impulsivity and set healthy boundaries
• Reduce shame and resentment on both sides

Working with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist ensures the ADHD traits are addressed compassionately — not pathologized or ignored.

Rebuilding After Infidelity Is Possible — And You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Infidelity is a symptom — not the whole story. If ADHD played a role in your relationship rupture, healing starts with understanding, responsibility, and action.

Get support from a therapist trained in ADHD and relationships
Open up the dialogue in a safe, guided setting
Reconnect through honesty, empathy, and emotional regulation

Ready to Take the First Step?

You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Whether you’re the partner who was hurt or the one who broke trust, support is available. Reach out to Christa Patel, LMSW (under clinical supervision of Lisa Delaplace LCSW-S) for a free consultation.